One Crazy Day
by ElfenTears
Summary: Take a look into a day in the woods behind K-Mart. Enter Retardclan.
1. Chapter 1

On a dirty, dank, and fart smelling summer day in the woods behind K-Mart, there stood a noble clan with a population of ten thousand. They were wild, untamed, and mentally retarded cats, who all joined in a clan called Retardclan. Retardclan was lead by the most retarded and ugliest cat there, Derpstar, and the deputy was DURRRRbutt. The medicine cat who barely knew how to make medicine and would just dumpster dive to collect cheap broken glasses and plastic watches to use as remedies, was named AdvilLightning. The rest of the cats names were unknown, and don't really matter.

"Snfdjfkdhfdofifdurrrrrrrrrr!" Derpstar blubbered stupidly as he ran out of his den, forgetting for the millionth time that there was a ledge just beneath it. His shriveled body flew down the sharp rocks, giving him even more brain damage. His whole face was ripped off by the time he landed down, but he managed to fling himself up.

"ADVILLIGHTNING!" He bellowed, "I iz hurt! Help me!"

Advillightning's huge ass scraped out of her den. The fat ass she-cat had been dumpster diving again, and all a bunch of K-Mart snack shit before having a wild orgy with a bunch of drunken raccoons last night. "I have JUST the thing!" She pulled a plastic bag over his head, and turned around, thinking she was a genius, while Derpstar stood there floundering like a fucking fish.

DURRRRbutt dragged his yellowing and tiny dick out of his deputies den, followed by Retardclan's most promising stripper she-cat; WhoreTits. She carried many diseases from hanging around campfires with wheelbarrow pushing hobos and the trailer living redneck cats not far from camp. She had been known for having 1,000,000,000,000 kits, most of who were eaten by the others during leaf-bare.

"My butt hole hurts." DURRRRbutt moaned, ripping his bloody asshole open with his claws, irritating it further.

"That means that it's working." WhoreTits giggled.

Suddenly, a ginormous sound ripped through the whole camp, making a flock of ostriches run like hoes. Cats looked up from their morning Nutella on pancakes, and someone screamed "WHAT THE FUCK!" quite loudly. The retarded cats parted in the middle, to show the world's tiniest kit standing with his tail between his ten legs.

"I poop." The kit, Fartknocker, cooed cutely. He looked down between his legs, to see the worlds tiniest blue poop. That huge fart for a one centimeter long shit.

Some cats had fallen over deaf from the earsplitting shit.

"I iz callin zis a celebration! Every body! Report to ze headquarters!" Derpstar screamed, hurrying as fast as his stubby ass little legs would run to the PoopPebble.

The PoopPebble was an itty-bitty pebble where Derpstar would call most meetings, and usually fall off. Derpstar jumped on top of the pebble, and tried standing on it. But it was very hard for his miniscule pea brain, and he slipped off.

"FUCK. ZIS. SHIT! EVERY BADY! PARTEY LIKE PARIS HILTON!" Derpstar yowled, starting to hip thrust roughly. Two cats from the hood came in with huge fucking afros, huge fucking glasses, and started to dance around singing "I'm Sexy And I Know It." Derpstar tried to sing along, but he ended up being dragged away by WhoreTits to The Shaggin Shagidelic Den. And that whole day, Retardclan partied. like there was no tomorrow.

Thanks to one little shit.


	2. A Second Crazy Day: The LalapaPoopZa

"I'm ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-ck.." Derpstar mewed stupidly like the girl from Poltergeist, before he was whacked traumatizingly in the head with a large swimming noodle by Fartknocker. He started to convulse on the ground, and Fartknocker sat on his face and blew another earth shattering fart into his face.

"Take that piece of shat, cat!" Fartknocker laughed wildly before running off, his tight ass bouncing like Baywatch with his swimming noodle between his legs, which he got from aisle 9 in K-Mart. He started to do an imitation of Goofy's "Somebody Just Poop!" except with farting. He did every note, pitch and rhythm just perfectly, of course.

Retardclan danced joyfully to the Jamaican rasta music, and Fartknocker jumped around, farting out the song. All up until he slid off the PoopPebble, just like Derpstar did every day.

'HAH! KARMA HURTS LIKE A SHAT, BITCH!" Derpstar screamed, getting up but running around blindly with the shit in his eyes.

It was chaos! Retardclan took the hint and started to run around screaming like idiots, some of them doing their best ant imitation by laying bug eyed on the ground and saying "meep." every two seconds.

Suddenly, the whole fucking Dark Forest rose up from hell, hearing the commotion!

"What the hell!" The Dark Forest leader, Dingyding complained in a she-cats high pitched voice, "We were planning out destroying Retardclan up above and deciding what items we were going to put on K Mart lay a way, but all of a sudden we hear a huge orgy coming from upstairs! What the hell?"

"Yeah!" Tinkywinky, Loopy and Doopy the Siamese twins, DingDong, Whack A Mole, and Sheldon Cooper screamed, the cats from the Dark Forest.

"POOP HAPPENED! AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION, WE PUT MY GINORMOUS POOP ON K MART LAYAWAY! SO EAT FLAMING SHIT IN THE DARK FOREST!" Fartknocker screamed, whacking them all back down to the Dark Forest with his hot pink noodle. All the cats cheered and threw up waffles.

All of a sudden, an attack of seagulls started pelting them! And what was worse, they were almost as retarded as them! The sea rats wrestled the cats for their waffles, and snapped their plastic wrapped beaks at them. The random ostriches around camp screamed and ran around again.

It seemed as though Fartknocker the kit was the new leader of Retardclan. Derpstar was being carried away into the horizon by two drunk looking seagulls.

"CAW CAW CAW MUTHERFUCKAS!" Fartknocker screamed, and blasted them away with a huge sonic boom fart.

Erin Hunter was shocked, and was blown ten feet from her reading spot when this happened.

The clan cheered and DURRRED like any other clan, and the two black Party Rocker cats came out again, dancing around and shaking their asses.

"RIDE EM COWBOY!" Whoretits shrieked, jumping on each other them and tried fucking them simultaneously. "YOLOOOOOOOOOO BEE OTCHES!"

While other cats partied, other cats were still doing their ant impressions. Turns out they were just elders having strokes.

Fartknocker ripped off his knock off Jaclyn Smith for K Mart dress and whipped it around his head in circles, thrusting his hips and shrieking like a stripper

"WOOT WOOT! WHOOT WHOOT!"

The hobos pushing carts behind K- Mart appeared to the party, and so did the raccoons, to AdvilLightnings delight. All the raccoons started to grind AdvilLightning furiously, with her dancing in the middle.

The hobos threw WhoreTits in the air, and she thought she was crowd surfing on their hands until she was ripped to shreds. They hadn't eaten in days!

"Less STD's in the clan I guess!" Fartknocker laughed, watching WhoreTits getting eaten.

"YAYYYYYYYYY!" All the cats mewed, having another huge party.

It was yet another crazy day.


End file.
